Love and Humility: My Struggles

Psalm 19

The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.
-v.7-9

They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold; Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb. Moreover, by them Your servant is warned; In keeping them there is great reward. -v.10,11

I am in need of a lot of things, but these are the most valuable. My soul needs restored, I need wisdom, my heart needs joy, and my eyes need enlightening. When I think about these for a while, these are what I desperately need.

His law, testimony, precepts, and commandment. What is the difference? I’m not sure, but they all sound like His Word. I would assume they cover all of the Word of God.

So I need the Word… I obviously haven’t been in it much lately.

It should be obvious. I have a brother in Christ who is a close friend. He is obviously a diligent student of the Word, with a deep love for God. He has helped me so much lately, and I am realizing that I am in no position to return that help. That is another desire I have, to be able to strengthen my fellow brothers and sisters, but I feel so helpless myself.

Without love, it is all nothing. My study, my prayers, my efforts. Can this realization finally motivate me to love God and keep His commandments? With the sacrifice and love shown to me by this brother, and others, I see I cannot give anything back, because I haven’t loved (God nor others). I have neglected, ignored, and wasted them.

It’s a strange thing to realize my helplessness. My sad state. I want to give back so badly, though. Has love awakened love. Maybe this is what it means to love Him because He first loved us (1 John 4:19).

If so, I am in debt to this brother more than I know, because his show of love has shown HIS love.

Acquit me of hidden faults. Also keep back Your servant from presumptuous sins; Let them not rule over me; Then I will be blameless, And I shall be acquitted of great transgression. Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart Be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer. –v.12-14

I don’t know what motivates others, but at this moment, I have not been more motivated. Motivated to love.

Humble me more Lord.

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