So what got me started on this search, you may ask. Actually I have been asked, so I thought I could give a little hint into what got the ball rolling.
The congregation I meet with supports some work in India. Well one evening a couple of brothers from India visited us with a few other men from the US who are the main contacts with them. They were visiting to give updates, and meet us. There was an hour long presentation given, in which they showed how they have been growing rapidly, and didn’t have enough money to support evangelist going from town to town spreading the gospel. The next thing they said shocked me and is what started my mind working. They said they were beginning to focus on establishing the congregations already built. They were asking for money to help build buildings for them to meet in. WHAT?!? I thought. You want money to build building, but overlook the men with the desire to spread the gospel as far as they can go. With limited money, I wondered what should be considered most important.
Now I don’t believe they actually ignore these men, they do help support many, but with the focus very deliberately and decidedly being changed from outward to inward shocked me. I thought about that all night, and discussed it briefly with a few people over the following weeks.
I started to get a little upset. I got mad at myself, I got mad at the church. I was confused (still am) and didn’t know what to do, or where to look. I’ve stumbled onto stuff here and there, things that kind of slowly (that was probably a year or more ago) moved me into where I am now, finally putting serious effort into finding what God wants church to be. I’m not mad anymore, I realize tradition clouds the mind. I also realize there have been many genuine people caught in these traditions, who loved God in faith far beyond what I have reached in my short life.
The thing is, now I am at an urgent place. I’ve stopped day dreaming about it. I finally decided to put myself into a real study and search for where I have missed the mark. I’m finding I’m missing the mark in, not only what church is, but what worship, prayer, faith, love, and on and on and on, is. I’m a mess. But that okay… I’m seeking now. And God is a rewarder of all who are.
And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.